While I don't fancy myself a bible scholar nor an eloquent writer, I feel led to share some thoughts tonight. While I have been having some issues lately, simple health issues, while I was out mowing tonight I felt God speak to my heart. I have been having a pity party, of sorts, while I muddle through these issues. Feeling sorry for myself, because I am on antibiotics *again*, because I feel like I am working all the time and going nowhere fast at my job, because I am preparing to send Emerald to college next month, because I struggle dealing with Nathaniel and his Asperger Syndrome, because Noah inadvertently makes me feel bad because he never sees me, because Rebekkah makes me feel unappreciated and because I feel I let William down since I seem to be too busy to do the "wife and mother" things I NEED to be doing at home. OK, I realize that was a huge run on sentence but you get my drift, I am feeling sorry for myself. Tonight as I was mowing though God spoke to me and showed me a few things, gave me some things to think about during my "me" time behind the mower.
So, here goes.....while I am dealing with many, many things right now. While I feel like my plate is full to overflowing and more keeps getting heaped on. I am NOT watching in a hospital as my child struggles for their very life, after undergoing a major medical "experimental treatment" for a health issue, I am blessed to have my children all living here under my roof (until Emerald leaves for college next month), I am blessed to have a loving husband still with me after nearly TWENTY years, I am not jobless nor homeless nor starving. He reminded me that no matter how "rough" things may get it is He who is carrying me through, I am not doing this on my own, I am no where near capable of doing this job alone, I need HIM to get me through. When I feel like life is more than I can bear, when I feel like screaming and crying, when I feel like having a pity party for myself, that I am blessed beyond measure. That He allows me to struggle through and it is He who gives me the strength to make it through every day. He is watching me to see my response to the things that come my way, am I going to run away from Him or *to* Him?? While it seems like the "duh factor" should take over, it is ultimately a choice, my choice, to lean on Him. To let Him carry my through each day.
Congratulations if you made it this far in my rambling. I truly have been remiss in keeping this blog updated. I am working lots of hours, doing lots of massages, getting paperwork stuff together for Emerald to head to college in August but all excuses aside I promise to try and keep updates coming in a timely fashion.
Praising God through the good times and the bad. Thanking Him for opening the eyes of my heart and my mind tonight, reminding me that He is in control of every moment of my life!!!
Michelle
